Another week, another photo prompt from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for Friday Fictioneers. This amazing photo is courtesy of David Stewart and you can see how others have interpreted the prompt here
Remembering the Song
Grey haired, quietly waiting,
I make no movements now for you to marvel at,
My joints seem permanently fixed,
Not flexible or free from pain.
Nothing could help me sway to your music now
Though I remember our song, few would think there ever was one,
Or believe that here there once was joy, pleasure, movement, grace.
They see a body, stiff, unyielding, closed, and think that it was always so
And that my mind must be the same.
They raise their voices and wave their arms about
I’m not yet deaf or dumb, just old.
I scream in silence.
That’s a great take on the prompt. I know from my grandfather this frustration, where the body refuses to keep up with the mind and becomes a cage.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Glad you liked it.
This is so sad.
Well written.
Thanks Abraham, life for some old people is very sad and frustrating. I just tried to show that
I think (especially as I get older) of how older people are all too often undervalued and overlooked in our society just because their bodies are old. Older people are just old, not dead! They’re not stupid, even if their brains may not function as well as they used to and they’re generally not deaf! They can have so much to offer, having gone through so much, if only we’ll listen or make the attempt.
janet
I think it is important to remember that old people have had interesting lives, endured many experiences and that they deserve respect and admiration. Too many of them are ignored or treated as dim. Love and passion are not today’s invention!
It is always good to hear from you Janet and your comments are always very welcome
Have a good weekend
Dee
I am not yet old but I am noticing my body no longer matches the youthful voice in my head… This is beautifully reflected in your story, Dee.
Thank you Iris, so glad you saw what I was trying to say. As my grandmother used to tell me, ‘we’re all going the same way at the same time, some just get there faster than others.’
Appreciate you taking the time
Dee
Dee,
Love the feel of this…fits the prompt perfectly…really well done.
Tom
Thank you Tom, much appreciated
Dee
Bitter sweet. Well-expressed.
Thanks Sandra
Interesting piece.
Glad you thought so
moved by these lines, ‘They see a body, stiff, unyielding, closed and think that it was always so
And that my mind must be the same.’.
really good
Took quite a while to get across what I wanted to say and I’m pleased you think the lines worked
Really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment
Dee
you have captured it perfectly. I see it everyday, and you hold it right here in the these 100 words from your hands and heart. excellent.
I really appreciate your generous comment and so glad you saw what I was trying to say.
Dee
This was so powerful. I love “Though I remember our song, few would think there ever was one…” You’ve captured the evening of life with poignant tenderness. Love this.
I’m so glad you liked this and thank you for your lovely comment. It is much appreciated.
I wasn’t fast enough. my comments have all been taken. “Though I remember our song, few would think there ever was one,” Poignant. Touching.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you Rochelle, it’s always good to hear from you
Have a good weekend
Dee
Oh so very sad, but also beautifully portrayed and well-written. So many feelings of loss and longing; I really like this.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment, it’s much appreciated
This is powerful writing, the last line especially. I really enjoyed this.
100 words is a heck of a challenge, as we all have said, took a while for this one to say what I wanted to. So glad you liked it and thanks so much for reading
That last line was as chilling as it was engrossing – well done throughout.
Thank you
Great emotion expressed here – something we all fear. I hope she starts to vocalise her scream – she needs to be heard.
I hope so too. I fear many old people aren’t heard. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment, much appreciated.
Very well done–there are some elders who are still sharp of mind and wit so be careful when you “raise [your] voices and wave [your] arms about” at them–they might respond with a few well-honed barbs.
Yes that’s true and perhaps more of them should respond. Thanks for reading
Wow, yes I see it every day. And sometimes feel it. Well captured.
Thank you Bjorn
oh i could feel the deep sadness and frustration of the narrator.. such strong emotions very well expressed..
Thank you
well done. i certainly wish the speaker did not have to scream in silence but had an audience of one very caring person.
this line: “They see a body, stiff, unyielding, closed and think that it was always so” consider a comma after “closed.” would help create a necessary pause before “think.” not positive, but think about it.
Think you’re right, altohugh i seem to remember being taught not to put a comma before ‘and’
As a grammar guru you can tell me if there is a rule about that, or was my teacher just plain wrong?
well, there are rules to follow, but you’ve got more of a poem there than prose, so things are a leeetle more flexible. you can visit both of these posts and check item #4 in both, coincidence, that talk about using commas.
http://brainsnorts.wordpress.com/2013/01/29/language-pet-peeves-3/
http://brainsnorts.wordpress.com/2013/01/25/language-pet-peeves-2-2/
I’m sure someone else may have said it, this line “I’m not yet deaf or dumb just old” was my “aha moment” nice!