It’s Friday, well it is here in the UK, so it’s time for Friday Fictioneers. Each Wednesday Rochelle Wisoff-Fields posts a photo prompt and writers from all over the world drop everything ( almost) to write 100 words and post by Friday. It’s a great way to meet some great people, so why not give it a try?. Here is the photo for this week, courtesy of Rennee Homan Heath.
Genre – Memoir (99 words)
Blue skies, warm soft air, white sand,
The days of love and longing here
Long ago, crowd my mind and bring a smile.
We are older now and unable
To run up sand dunes, or lie together
As we did back then, lost in wonder.
We walk more slowly across the sand
Still hand in hand, lovers still but not
That hectic, frantic love driven by need and lust,
A gentle touch, a smile, an embrace now speak
Our love, we will remember always those first days
When we made our pledge, one to the other,
Always and forever.
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Beautiful. A warm feeling filled me with reading your words.
Thank you for reading, I’m so glad you liked it.
Dee
awww. i hope to be one of them someday. preferably the male.
this line: “Still hand in hand, lovers still but not”
consider switching it like this, “still hand in hand, still lovers, but not”
it keeps the “still ____ still ____” like a short pattern, but it would add stress to what they are and what they aren’t.
also. the last line. “always and forever.” if you were to take out the “and,” and write it like this: “Always. Forever.” each word would pack more weight if taken separately with the pause between them. just something to consider.
Hi Rich.
I hope you are one day too and definitely the male, otherewise there are some serious operations in store….
If you could see what was going to be the final draft, you would see that it was as you suggest.
For some reason I can’t really explain I altered it just before posting. I think I tried to put the emphasis on “lovers” and then decided that the last line should be “always and forever”.
Thanks for taking the time with this
Dee
oops. didn’t know. and thanks for the “hope.” and “hope” back at you as well.
How could you know?
Still hoping
looking at that gravatar, i can’t imagine that “hope” is necessary. just a little time.
very smooth
i’m smiling
i know. i can see it there.
What a moving love poem. I like how you entitled it memoir – I hope that means it’s true: you and your loved one are very lucky to have achieved such wonders. Congratulations on your lasting love and your beautiful depiction of it.
Thank you Jen glad you liked it. It is a story with details from my parents’ lives, they were very much “an item” as people say today, but their ending is not a happy one.
Dee
What a beautiful remembrance of young love and contentment of mature love!
janet
Thank you Janet
Dee
Nicely done, great sentiments. I could hear the song playing.
I heard it too.
Thanks Sandra
Dee
As a wife married 41 years to the same man, this rings very true.Simple and lovely, Dee.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Dear Rochelle
I’m glad you liked it. Lasting love is what counts.
Take care
Dee
Wonderful reading, it’s just a feeling everyone should have. I also like that it’s devoid of bitterness of growing old, but rather contentment of what you have.
I wanted to show how love can endure
So glad you liked it
Dee
Its wonderful to think of a love that survives time. Beautiful.
Thank you, so glad you liked it
Hi Dee,
Your story is a great testimonial to the enduring power of love. Ron
Hi Ron
Thank you for your comment, that’s what I was aiming for but not sure if it would come across.
Take care
Dee
I followed an elder couple along the shore one day. They were well into their 80′s, walking slowly, holding hands, not talking, just being. I had my camera and took their photograph from behind. I have it hanging on my wall to remind me. Your piece reminded me of that moment. Beautiful. Thank you.
I am glad you liked the story.
What an impression that couple must have made on you for you to take a photograph, to have it on your wall as a reminder of enduring love is a lovely gesture.
Thank you for sharing that
I’ve worked with elders my whole life. I seem to be one of those magnets for old people. They seek me out to reach items on the grocery store shelves and I find myself assisting folks over curbs and through doorways. My son says I stalk old people. He made that comment when he saw me taking the photo of the elders walking down the shoreline.
That sounds so familiar, especially helping reaching things on higher shelves and assisting with stairs and curbs. As I head towards old age
I find that I am annoyed with my younger sky for times when I was perhaps sharp and critical of older people and find, as in other areas of life, you have to ” walk the walk before you can talk the talk”
Your poem is lovely, Dee.
Thank you Ted
A lovely warm piece of writing, I really enjoyed it.
Thank you Trudi, much appreciated
Forever love that has matured along with their bodies and minds. A nice turn on keeping the love strong and make the relationship match the time.
Thanks Joe, was difficult trying to get that feeling across with so few words – had a couple of rewrites